Splinter of the Mind's Eye

Hullo bloggers of blogshire - sorry I've not updated my blog of late, but things have been a bit hectic recently. We've been writing a series of educational shorts for share fishermen ("Coastal Inlets - The Silty Deceivers") and endless rewrites on the sitcom. In between that, I've started a new novel. I don't want to give too much away, because it's a completely original idea that nobody's ever had before, but let's just say, you know in Stephen King's "Firestarter", where someone can start a fire with their mind? Well, what if someone had the OPPOSITE talent? Yeah. Nuff said.

One of the things people are always asking me - apart from "Where's that twenty quid you owe me?!?!?" - seriously, Wee Tamm, I will pay you back!!!! - is "Where do you get your ideas from?" to which my usual reply is "A small firm just outside of Inverness!" to which the audience at whatever event I'm attending usually laugh.  

However, the last time I said this, on an internet chat forum, someone simply called me a "cunt", which I thought both unnecessary and extreme. 

Crisis Averted!!!!

An active few days of rewrites, writes, and more rewrites. Getting this sitcom together is a bit like skiing blindfold down the hardest slalom course in the world, only you're doing it in a dodgem car, because the BBC has said you can't show skis because it would offend non-skiers, or something. Anyway - it's a difficult task, made even more so by the labyrinthine rules of BBC policy. That's essentially what I'm saying.

For instance, in our sitcom (now definitely called “Da Shizzle”, by the way) we originally conceived the character of Iqbal as a rough and ready second-generation Somalian street fighter-cum-rebel who's now running with a gang in South Manchester but doing it fund his NVQ in catering whilst struggling with his sexuality, (plus the fact that his dad wants him to go into the family business, which is suicide bombing). This went over well with the BBC 3 bigwigs – one senior figure who shall remain nameless said it was the “single most exciting idea I’ve heard since Dog Borstal” - but they still had reservations. Eventually, after six weeks, they just came straight out with it and emailed to ask us if the character could have an “online, multiplatform element”.

Now, this might seem to you the viewer like just another random, nonsensical, needlessly-complicating angle thrown in by a creatively bereft strata of BBC management to pander to an apathetic, indifferent and largely imaginary teen demographic, but that’s where you’d be wrong. Multi-platform is the future granddad – whether you like it or not. There isn’t a young person in the UK today who isn’t on Ask Jeeves or Lycos or Tiscali. Not taking the internet into account would mean the realism of "Da Shizzle" would be fatally flawed.

So it’s back to the drawing board for Iqbal – or was it? At the last minute, Wee Tamm suggested that Iqbal updates his blog from his blackberry, and that users could get his updates direct to their PDA. BRILLIANT. Crisis averted, without comprising artistic integrity. Sorted!

Back to the grindstone

Phew! Me and my oppo - that's writing partner to you - Wee Tamm spent the whole long, long day writing one ninth of a sitcom which we're hoping will find its way onto BBC Three eventually.

Most people don't realise it, but BBC Three is one of the hardest terrestrial channels to write comedy for. It's all too easy to feel intimidated by what has gone before - imagine entering the Louvre and being told to knock up something on an Etch-a-sketch!!! The sheer quality of shows like Tittybangbang, The Wall, Lily Allen and Friends, Trex and Flipside, Grownups, Little Miss Jocelyn, I'm With Stupid, Dogtown, How Not To Live Your Life, Scallywagga, Clone and most recently Horne and Corden, (to name but a few!) have raised the bar, in terms of edgy comedy for the 16-17 year old demographic, about as high as it will go.

So it was with a great sense of nervous excitement that me and Wee Tamm embarked on our task. Writing for BBC Three also involves reaching out to a certain audience, and we bore this strongly in mind when devising our sitcom, which is about a promising young free-runner, Spazcock, who steps on a landmine in Iraq and ends up in a coma, during which he's visited by the ghost of Biggie Smalls, who urges him to take up freestyle MCing in Huddersfield. It certainly ticks all the current BBC boxes!

We haven't got a title yet, but are toying with either "Da Shit", "Da Shizzle" or "Da Shit in Da Area" or "Da Shizzle in Da Area", all of which are potentially very good.

Anyway - all very exciting! Too tired to write more, but will keep you updated on how it shapes up over the next few weeks! Wickedy wah wah!

Big I

Phew! Well alright! Well alright! I've finally got my arse in gear to start my own blog, where I can document all my important thoughts and share the inside track on the various screenplays, novels, novellas, sitcoms, poetry anthologies, and Scottish-themed historical erotica that I'm currently working on.

This is strictly for the fans really - so if you feel like dropping me a line then don't be shy, as one coconut said to the other! (Hardcore fans will recognise that as a line from my internet gangster caper "Hamish and the Big Jobbie")

Fer teh Mah hoo noo,

Yer wee pal

Iain x